8.109 My spiritual journey of discovering God’s grace (Pt 3)
After struggling spiritually for about 5 years, I got disillusioned with a faith that was no longer real. The sense of spiritual emptiness was unbearable and I desperately wanted God to be real and relevant to me.
One day in early 1990, at the age of 19, I told God that I did not want a dead religion. “Oh God! If You are not real to me…I would rather not be a Christian!” I cried out in desperation from my heart. I was at the end of the road!
During a church service in my home church in Kuala Lumpur, the guest speaker gave an altar call for prayer needs. I went forward for my last altar call. Standing at the crossroad of life, I had decided that if God did not show up, I would walk away forever from my childhood faith. I did not expect anything unusual to happen. After all, I had been for many altar calls and nothing unusual had happened before.
Then suddenly, the guest speaker turned and looked intently at me for a while, with hands stretched towards my heart, as if he was sensing something in the spirit. Many thoughts flashed through my mind at that moment. Would God speak to me through this man? But this man doesn’t know me! What would God say to me? Would He chide me for being backslidden? Would He unleash harsh words of condemnation? Those few seconds seemed like eternity.
Then the man of God said, “I sense your spirit is as dry as a desert…yes as dry as desert…but in the midst of the desert I see a spring of living water appearing…I see plants and animals. God will restore you… He will use you.”
I was stunned! God showed up when I was at the end of my road. He actually heard the cry of my heart! He even knew my condition and my thoughts. He was closer than I realized.
I was also surprised that He did not chide me as I had expected. He did not judge me. There were no harsh words of condemnation. There were no fire and brimstone – only assuring words of hope and promise. I was assured by His love – the love I had encountered as a child. It was the same tender love that first drew me to Him. God had not changed – He was the same loving Father.
In fact, He even promised to restore and use me – when I had nothing to offer. When I could no longer believe in Him, He still believed in me. I had my first tangible encounter with God that day.
One day in early 1990, at the age of 19, I told God that I did not want a dead religion. “Oh God! If You are not real to me…I would rather not be a Christian!” I cried out in desperation from my heart. I was at the end of the road!
During a church service in my home church in Kuala Lumpur, the guest speaker gave an altar call for prayer needs. I went forward for my last altar call. Standing at the crossroad of life, I had decided that if God did not show up, I would walk away forever from my childhood faith. I did not expect anything unusual to happen. After all, I had been for many altar calls and nothing unusual had happened before.
Then suddenly, the guest speaker turned and looked intently at me for a while, with hands stretched towards my heart, as if he was sensing something in the spirit. Many thoughts flashed through my mind at that moment. Would God speak to me through this man? But this man doesn’t know me! What would God say to me? Would He chide me for being backslidden? Would He unleash harsh words of condemnation? Those few seconds seemed like eternity.
Then the man of God said, “I sense your spirit is as dry as a desert…yes as dry as desert…but in the midst of the desert I see a spring of living water appearing…I see plants and animals. God will restore you… He will use you.”
I was stunned! God showed up when I was at the end of my road. He actually heard the cry of my heart! He even knew my condition and my thoughts. He was closer than I realized.
I was also surprised that He did not chide me as I had expected. He did not judge me. There were no harsh words of condemnation. There were no fire and brimstone – only assuring words of hope and promise. I was assured by His love – the love I had encountered as a child. It was the same tender love that first drew me to Him. God had not changed – He was the same loving Father.
In fact, He even promised to restore and use me – when I had nothing to offer. When I could no longer believe in Him, He still believed in me. I had my first tangible encounter with God that day.
posted by Joshua Lye @ 11:44 PM
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